I think everyone at some point in their lives, has encountered a really bad kisser. You know, kisses that completely shatter your views and ultimately how you feel about that person. This my friends, is definitely one of those kisses, but first lets go over an event that happened earlier in the date…
The date stared [...]
I think everyone at some point in their lives, has encountered a really bad kisser. You know, kisses that completely shatter your views and ultimately how you feel about that person. This my friends, is definitely one of those kisses, but first lets go over an event that happened earlier in the date…
The girl I went out with totally looked like Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell. The kiss totally ruined my boyhood fantasy of kissing Kelly.
The date stared of really well, we were having a great time and great conversation. We decided that after dinner, we would go bowling before we headed back to her place to watch a movie. So being the gentleman that I am, I paid for dinner and the bowling. There was one issue with the bowling though, she forgot her socks. Conveniently enough, there was a vending machine stocked full of socks. She looked at me and said, “Well I didn’t bring any cash, so you are going to have to buy me some socks”. Let me just say, that bowling shoes are gross and I myself, would not put my bare feet in them in fear of being infected by some unknown disease, but since when did the guy have to pay for dinner, bowling and a pair of socks? Who doesn’t bring at least a few dollars with them on a date? It’s pretty presumptuous to think that she would not have to pay for a single thing the entire night. I have no problems covering dinner and any other activities during the date, but I don’t feel that I have to pay for all her incidentals along the way, especially on a first date. Sorry, but I had to let it out. I have gotten burned so many times with the “I don’t have any money” excuse, that it’s not funny anymore. Am I wrong on this? If I am please tell me.
After the bowling was done, we went back to her place and watched a movie, to which her roommates invited themselves to watch with us. Things went well and we talked for about an hour and a half after the movie was done. Eventually, it was time for me to go home. Being that I wasn’t from the area and didn’t have my car (I was in Utah again), she drove me home. Sitting in the car in front of the place I was staying, we talked for a bit and then it happened… the worst possible kiss you can ever imagine. She leaned in for the kiss and at the last second opened her mouth up wide, missing my lips completely forming a vapor lock around my mouth. No words can describe this event, other than it resembled/felt like a giant schnauzer was licking your face, yes it was that bad. For the record, I have never been licked in the face by a giant schnauzer, but I imagine this is the closest thing to what it would feel like. After it was done, I felt like I needed a towel to dry my face off. One would think, that when you were 28 years old, you would know how to kiss someone. Kissing someone is usually a pleasant experience, but this was just painful. How do you tell someone they are a horrible kisser? “Hey babe, I have to tell you something, you are a brutal kisser. Every time we kiss I feel like getting up and running away”. Hopefully, I will never have to go through such an event ever again.
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10 Responses
Have you ever had an incident where one of the ladies you write about has read your entry, known it was her, and responded? I think that would be insanely amusing. Great post btw. I think we’ve all encountered at least one horrible kisser in our days. Very relatable.
B
i feel sorry for you man. i mean after spending a fortune on her, all you get is a “licked in the face by a giant schnauzer”….lol
well at least she drive you home…
btw, found ur blog thru 20sb. nice blog u got here. keep blogging!
Obviously this girl never read TEEN magazine.
Thanks to TEEN, I learned by the age of 13 to always, always, always take cash on a date and to never initiate a kiss with your mouth wide open.
And btw, if you go to YouTube and search for Zach Morris on Jimmy Fallon, you’ll see that Zach Morris himself was recently interviewed on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and admitted that he and Kelly ended up divorced. It’s actually a very hilarious interview!
@Becca Suprisingly no one I have been out with has seen this blog. Wonder what would happen if they did find it…
@Karen TEEN magazine? lol that’s funny. I actually saw the Zach Morris thing on Jimmy Fallon when it aired. I try to avoid Jimmy Fallon for his lack of personality and not being funny, but I ended up seeing that episode for some reason.
Ugh how do you not bring ANY money? How presumptuous indeed!
I’ve had a few bad kisses, I’ll admit that. Blegh. Too much tongue, too much saliva… YUCK!
Hilarious. Both the way you tell the story and the fact that it happened to you. I’m sorry to laugh at you but it’s just funny!
I completely agree that she should have brought some kind of cash with her on the date though I also know what it’s like to be out of coins (I’m assuming here that the vending machine didn’t take notes… if it did, she had NO excuse)!
Also, unfortunately I have had PLENTY of bad kisses and know exactly what you’re talking about. However, this is the first I’ve heard a girl fall on that side of the kiss… how strange. Where do you meet these people?
Good luck on the next one hun.
@fragileheart The machine took bills up to $10, so she had no excuse.
Where do I meet these people? I get set up with them, meet them through friends, interent sites and at events I attend. I think I have a good mix of places and ways of meeting people, but somehow I attract the odd ones.
That sucks . . . and slobbers and drools. The date sounded so awesome until that point! I’m sorry! I guess it just wasn’t meant to be though. Because to answer your question, I don’t think you can tell a person that they are terrible at kissing. You’ve either got to suck it up and try and work around it, or move on.
Great Blog!!
Nik
PS–I’m putting you in my blogs that I follow column. I meant to awhile back . . . I must have spaced it.
PPS–Oh ya and she’s out there and she’ll know how to kiss properly. Don’t lose hope!!
I agree with you Nik, I don’t think that you can really tell someone that they are bad at kissing. Thanks for adding me to your blogroll!
Oh and don’t worry, I haven’t lost hope and I am not bitter about the way things seem to work out for me.
“Hey babe, I have to tell you something, you are a brutal kisser. Every time we kiss I feel like getting up and running away”
I would love to hear the result of this course of action. Probably the way to go.